Muggle Experiments: Cigarettes
by Inkstain
Summary: It's 1978, and they're smoking behind the greenhouse again. Three Maurauders and two Slytherins - should be fun. *slash* - Lucius/Severus. Oh, and did I mention Lucius wears leather? ::grin::


Title: Muggle Experiments 

Part 1 - Cigarettes

Author: Inkstain - Doodlefang@yahoo.com

A/N: It's HP fic. Oh yes, It was only a matter of time. 

So, this fic should be filed under 'fun denial'. "No madam, Lucius wasn't probably practically a Death Eater by the time he left school. And he _did_ know Severus, and Severus wasn't evil then either, and actually he _wasn't_ James, Remus and Sirius' arch nemesis. In truth, they got on alright, sometimes. Oh yes, I know, its wonderful…"

Its not denial making me not write Peter in though. Well, it is sort of, but basically it's because I don't want to. Bastard. 

'Course, Lucius was a Death Eater too, but...well, he's very attractive, so...yes.

What's going on: Lucius wanted/wants to try some muggle things. That's basically it. Part 2 (beer) is coming, when the HP bug bites me again. And if this one isn't laughed off the net. 

Thanks: This was partially inspired by two things. Number one: the chain smoking, drinking, drug taking and swearing anarchist Severus of _Death Eaters at the Malfoy Estate, _by Grindylowe. It fucking _rocks_ and has made me never want to read any other type of Severus ever, although the slightly angsty side to this fic might piss her off. Sorry if it does. Second is a HP slash RPG on livejournal I stumbled on, where 'Remus' kept posting 'photos' of the Hogwarts adults in their youth, for example a shot from Velvet Goldmine, with Curt (Ewan McGregor) as Remus, and Brian (Jonathon Rhys Meyers) as Sirius. And aah, the happy ideas I got… Thankyou to both of these sources.

Feedback: I'd give you my wand for it. Well, no, I wouldn't, mainly because in reality I haven't got one, but that's not important, you're never going to meet me or see the geeky mess that is my room. The analogy does what it's supposed to though – you can tell all feedback would be much appreciated. Flames will be given to Lucius to beat out with his cane. 

~***~

_1978_

"I'm not _that _prejudiced, you know." 

Sirius snorted in response to Lucius' sudden comment. 

"Hey!" 

Lucius gave The Malfoy Glare to his right even as he passed the fag to his left. "Everyone takes me for this huge anti-Muggle anarchist. It's starting to piss me off."

"Everything pisses you off," Severus commented, taking a drag of the cigarette just handed to him.

"Well that's the point. They have the anarchist bit right; I'm seventeen and I'm annoyed."

"You're _cliché_," the black haired teen replied, turning his head slightly to look at his fellow Slytherin. "It's the seventies; _everyone's_ an annoyed anarchist now."

Lucius looked at him. "If _I'm cliché then what does that make you, with your perpetually cynical attitude?" _

The Malfoy Glare previously directed at Sirius had become a Malfoy Smirk, smooth lips quirked dangerously at Severus. He was being teased, and he knew it. But, he was also used to Lucius' attitude, and more than capable of bitching back. 

Severus truly was bitter, after all.

"It makes me the only truly original anarchist here. A one off."__

An arm was slung round his shoulders, and suddenly Remus' bony chin was resting in the cleft between his collarbone and shoulder. "Oh yeah," Remus' smile could be heard in his voice, "Sevvie's naturally bitter, didn't you know?"

'Sevvie' flicked cigarette ash over his shoulder.   

Ignoring the muffled howls coming from Remus as he pawed frantically at his cheek, Lucius took the fag back from Severus and settled against the wall of the greenhouse again as he continued - loudly, so everyone could hear. 

"No, see, I'll happily admit that I don't like blo-" He paused for a moment, leaning round Severus to watch the small fire the still burning ash had lit when it dropped to Remus' cloak spread a little, then moved back, chuckling with Severus, as the werewolf was smothered by the two other Gryffindors. "-ody Muggles. But who does, really? They're like children to us! And children?" 

He dropped the butt to the grass floor, grinding it into nothing with black dragon hide boots that were of course immaculate, even from the walk over the grass. "Sod._ That_. Whiny, incompetent things." He stretched, smirked at James' attempts to re-create the bottom of Remus' robe, and then paused a moment. "But... well, Muggles make some interesting stuff. They've got skills we haven't. Ok, I say skills - base ones, of course, but then a bit rough is in."

"There's good, then." Sirius was back, and as he put his wand back in his robes with one hand, he whapped Severus on the back of the head with the other. "Make sure its not lit next time, yeah?" He told him, but it was not spiteful. Severus rolled his dark eyes in response.

 "I wouldn't have let him get burnt," he snapped. 

The dog animagus gave him a dour look. 

"...Too badly." 

Remus snarled, James shook his head, Lucius laughed, and Severus _saw_ Sirius fighting not to smile. As he passed he got his own whap, however, from Lucius.  

"What the?!" Sirius glared at the Slytherin. "Oi!"

Lucius shrugged smoothly. "You look after your housemates, I look after mine." 

Sirius looked at Severus, who stared unblinkingly back at him, then at Lucius again. "Really caring," he mumbled, reaching into the blond teen's long robes to get the cigarette pack.

"Oh, you bloody Gryffindors," Lucius spat, "everything has to be big spectacular actions with you, doesn't it?" 

Sirius, who was busy flicking a cigarette and lighter to Remus with one hand over his shoulder, didn't hear him.

They settled back against the greenhouse for a while; James pointedly standing between Severus and Remus even though the softly spoken werewolf was not one to hold a grudge. Once more the easy quiet that lay between the five acquaintances settled; the only sounds that of the lake waters lapping against the bank down the lawn to their left, the soft inhaling of smoke and, to Remus, four steady heartbeats. In usual situations he was unable to pick out the pulsing sound of life in those around him; background noise and the overwhelming presence of the Hogwarts students, teachers, ghosts and paintings overcrowded his enhanced senses, but this group were unusual. Oh, they had their differences, but there was something that meant since the second year they'd been able to come together and have moments of...quiet. He remembered that first time well – but then how could he not? It was a memory that still made him smile.    

Not long before they'd met Peter for the first time, James, Sirius and Remus had snuck out to Hogsmeade under the invisibility cloak, and just after they'd pulled it off inside the sweet shop, they'd gone outside and met Severus and Lucius. The two groups had thrown insults back and forth and gloated over the fact they could get each other in trouble for a good ten minutes, until they'd come to the realisation that, actually, they couldn't do anything without getting themselves in trouble at the same time. There'd been the familiar temptation to laugh at each others' stupidity as well, but that was of course just as bad. And so, after a few minutes of awkward silence as they'd trudged the icy streets, Severus had sworn under his breath, ducked into The Leaky Cauldron and come out having managed to get served - he was the tallest after all - with five butterbeers. Somewhere in between drinking them and Sirius showing off party trick of balancing an empty glass on his nose (which of course had nothing to do with James levitating it behind his back), they'd called a truce for the night. 

It was still going on. 

…Well. Remus gave that another thought, as Severus threw an elbow over Lucius' shoulder in a lunge towards James' head when he finished the cigarette. _Sort of_. He was of the definite opinion that Severus was a slimy git, and Lucius was so stuck up it was a wonder he didn't walk a foot off the ground. - he seemed to believe he was above anyone else anyway, so that wouldn't be a surprise. But; slimy gits have surprisingly generous streaks once you get to know them, and sardonic sense of humours that have had him snort butterbeer so hard he's found it drying in his eyebrows two hours later. And even someone incredibly untrusting and disrespectful, whose only concern appears to be himself, can turn out to actually be intuitive, longing (though he'd never admit it) for someone he could trust, and fiercely loyal to them once he's found them.

The werewolf glanced sideways at each of them, and mentally smiled at the knowledge each of them had realised. They were Slytherins and Gryffindors - two houses that were more similar than most realised. 

"You know, muggles make the best eyeliner."

_What?! _Remus was interrupted out of his musings by Lucius' second random comment. "Where did that come from? That was cryptic, even for you." 

"Er, did you _miss _the conversation we were having earlier? Too busy enjoying Black's hands on you then, I presume?"

"Actually I was too busy smouldering."

"Ooh, Remus! That's some feeling; how poetic of you."

Right, sod everything he'd just thought. Lucius was a bastard.

He leapt forward- the next second, however, James' strong hand on his arm was holding him still. Damn those Seeker reflexes - he hadn't even had to try. It wasn't as though he could have got there, though; there was a lean black shape blocking his path. And it had a hand on Sirius' arm as well.

"...Severus?...When did you learn to flit?"

He had somehow stepped forward and just as smoothly as Gryffindor's best Seeker ever, shot an arm out to stop Sirius, who had jumped out to attack Lucius from the other side. 

Struggling against the iron grip on the front of his robes, even Sirius didn't look as surprised as Severus. 

"Ah..." The Slytherin's eyes flicked to Lucius, who looked the same as always from Remus' point of view, then to Sirius. His expression turned indignant suddenly. "I am allowed to protect my own housemates if you are, thankyou."

"Yeah, but…_you_?"

Severus let go off Sirius. "What?!" He looked at the others, then sighed and drew back against the wall. "You didn't get so uptight when Lucius did it," they heard him mutter, and then the rest of his words were muffled into his robe as he lowered his head and folded his arms somewhat petulantly.

There was moment of silence, in which Remus looked at Sirius. The awed look thrown at him from Sirius turned to an eyebrow quirk and a head tilt at Severus, and Remus, grinning, made to throw some rudimentary but un-mistakable gestures regarding Severus and Lucius in return, only James yanked on his arm and dragged him back to stand next to him.

He opened his mouth to shout something in protest, but James shook his head warningly.

Oh.

Remus raised his own eyebrow. It would seem James wasn't as naïve as it appeared.

"These cigarettes are a muggle brand, too."

For the love of _Merlin _– "Do you _ever _continue a conversation like a normal person?"

Lucius shot him a sympathetic look. "Aww, can't keep it up – I mean, can't keep up?"

Remus clenched his fists. "I can keep _it up very well, actually."_

"I'm sure you can; I'll just ask Sirius to confirm…" 

"ARGH!" Remus threw up his hands. "I give in! Just bloody continue with your ridiculous little fantasies about me and Sirius, it seems to please you." 

Lucius beamed. "Thankyou!"

Remus just stamped a foot and turned away, but Sirius coughed."I may have a couple of words to say about that actually."

"Mmm?"

He grabbed Lucius' robes so quickly even Severus, who appeared to have appointed himself Lucius' bodyguard, couldn't get in. "Shut. Up." 

The Slytherin looked at him for a moment, then nodded. He wasn't as stupid as his spiked blond hair looked; he knew when not to push his friends any further. 

Remus looked away again and folded his own arms before Lucius was released though. Didn't mean he wasn't still angry with the stuck up wanker.

James nudged him with his elbow. "Stop sulking," he whispered, and Remus whirled on him to protes-oh god, he actually _was sulking._

Grinning, James took up the thread of the conversation. "These are really muggle cigarettes, then?"

Lucius nodded. "I went and bought them, I should know."

"_You're _the one who gets our fags? And they're _muggle _ones? I never noticed!"

"That's because you've never checked," Lucius replied.

"How very trusting of you," said Severus drolly.

"How very _Gryffindor _of you," they both finished, sharing a quick glance and a chuckle at their in-joke. Sirius, James and Remus guessed that was what passed for a friendly hug between the two. 

They bonded with sarcasm. 

How very Slytherin of them.

"So you see, you can't call me prejudiced. Yet. I thought I'd try out some muggle stuff, see what I thought, and then make an educated decision on whether they're all pointless, or actually have some use."

"That's…really nice of you…" James stuck a finger underneath his glasses and rubbed an eyebrow in his habitual manner when he was confused. "I think."

"Yes, I thought so. But we've done smoking now, on to the next thing." 

There was a round of shouting. Scarily, none were louder than James'. "What?! No more smoking? But…you can't stop buying them for us! Haven't you heard the phrase 'addictive'?!"

"Hoo, James, breathe." Lucius was trying not to laugh. James obviously _wasn't _breathing. 

He was starting to turn quite red, actually. 

"Did someone ram your head up your own arse this morning?!" he shrieked. "And if not, can I?" 

"It won't kill you to quit. That's sort of the point, actually."

"We only started this because you came in and said you wanted to try it!"

"Oh, so now its _my_ fault?"

"Yes!"

"Now now, I wouldn't have thought you proud Gryffindors would have crumbled to my petty peer pressure…"

"You didn't shut up about it for two weeks! And then you blackmailed us with going to one of the professors about Charlie Weasley's underground sweet ring in our common room! We HAD to try it! And…" he tilted his head. "Why did you only say Gryffindors?"

Severus pulled out his own packet of wizard smokes. "I smoked already."

"Oh. But _still_! You can't just stop bringing them, there are other people to consider!"

"James, I only brought them in as part of the muggle experiment. I wanted us all to try something, and this was the most muggle thing I could think of." 

"I…I…" James tried to speak and found he couldn't. Sirius took his arm and patted it soothingly, as Remus, the only muggle born there, spoke for the first time. "Why smoking? Why not...I don't know, go shopping, or see a film or something?"

"Oh come on," Lucius looked surprised. "You must know more than anyone that smoking is the _epitome _of muggle...ness."

Even James, being calmed by Sirius, stopped mumbling to frown at the Slytherin.

"Well they kill you! Only muggles would be stupid enough to smoke them."

"Wha…bu…but the wizarding world has them too! How come Severus smokes then?"

Taking a drag, Severus grinned. "Like I give a fuck."

~***~

Half an hour later, not much else had been spoken by the five students. The sky was just beginning to darken around them, but the shadows crossing the ancient windows of the Great hall (and the innate sense all males have) told them it was already suppertime; the students were starting to crowd in and find their tables, laid out with steaming food to counteract the crisp early autumn air.

James was breathing normally again now, and Sirius was distracting him from Lucius by making him recount his last Quidditch game. Again. Remus, meanwhile, was muttering complaints to Severus about the potions final, while the black haired Slytherin offered pointers that were surprising for two reasons; they were _right_, and he had a completely malice-free expression as he did it. Lucius, however, had been glancing continuously over his shoulder back up the lawn at the school non-stop for the last ten minutes – and now at last the number of students visible in the Hall had reached obviously high proportions. He mentally whooped, tried not to do the same out loud, and turned back to the others with what he knew was a worryingly amused expression on his face.

"Coming to dinner then?"

Glancing at him, and then at each other, the Gryffindors mentally shared suspicion at the look he was wearing. 

"Er…" Remus paused; then gave a shrug. "Hey, I'm starving." The others voiced their agreement , and began to walk off; Remus paused to touch Severus' arm and say a simple "thanks mate" before following - but Lucius grabbed _his_ arm as he passed.

"Hang on… Severus?" 

Severus looked over, made a face, and answered as he turned back to his cigarette. "I'm staying here."

Lucius quirked an eyebrow lazily and smirked at Severus. "No you're not."

Severus tilted his head dangerously. "What?"

"You're going to put out that cigarette and follow me."

The slightly taller teen frowned stubbornly; in Lucius' opinion there was only one thing more attractive than the way his nose scrunched up slightly as he narrowed his dark eyes -  

"Lucius, you can not force me to go, nor can you predict my behaviour. I'm not some pet you can tell what to do or-"

 - and that was himself, in his new trousers.

"-Oh."

~***~

Severus felt his mouth drop open before his brain had a chance to relay the message _Cigarette!, _and he had to catch it before he went up like Remus had, burning his hand in the process. He swore loudly, dropped it, and tried to use the chance to stamp it into the grass as an opportunity to look away for more than the two seconds it had taken to make another Seekerworthy grab. 

It didn't work.              

Grinning, Lucius smoothed an upper thigh with his free hand, the other holding his whipped off robes. When did he learn to do pull them off so deftly? Did he do it often? Would he do it if-_stop that **right** now._

"They're new." 

They were also leather, and obscenely tight. Unfairly tight. How was he supposed to maintain his carefully crafted neutral expression with thighs like that being blatantly displayed?

"I've been wearing them all day - though obviously no one cares enough to notice when it isn't the boring school trousers sticking out of the bottom of my robes – so I felt it only necessary, as a way of parading-"

"Yourself?"

"No, Sirius; the fine workmanship of my _tailor - that I be done with the robe and go into supper in just them."_

"You mean walk into the Hall at this carefully planned time, so that _everyone_, barring some of the portraits, can blatantly oogle you?"  
Lucius shrugged delicately. It made the edge of his jumper and shirt rise up slightly. Severus clenched both hands inside the frayed, long arms of his robe. "If that is the price I have to pay so be it." 

Remus groaned and yet laughed, stepping away to join Sirius, who chuckled as well and rolled his eyes. James, however, just looked Lucius up and down.

"Ooh; great trousers, Lucius!" he called. "Very nice." He gave a nod, then turned to ask Sirius something - he never got the chance, though. Lucius whipped his blonde head round and stared at James over his shoulder.

"Excuse me?"

James flicked his green eyes back and stiffened a little. "...What?" 

"Great trousers?" Lucius paused for a moment, then repeated with a shout, "_Great trousers?!_" With an indignant look on his proud face and mild fury flashing in his gaze, he turned completely and stalked up to James. On his swivelling Severus' eyes crossed slightly, a reaction he fought to overcome because it was fuzzing the view of Lucius' bum. He regretted this, however, when it came back into focus. 

_Flexing_.__

He choked on his tongue.

"You are faced with a Malfoy arse; the best arse in the school; voted as such for the past three years by a Slytherin girls common room vote, lusted after so much it even gets the Hufflepuffs to get their heads out of books...and all you can comment on is my _trousers_?" Lucius stopped in front of James and peered at him. "Those are _real glasses aren't they? I know I said I liked the slightly dodgy muggle workmanship but they must be really shite."_

James laughed. "Lucius, oddly enough your arse is...your arse. I've never really thought about it as good – although, ooh-kay, now I am..." He made a startled face and blinked rapidly.

Lucius huffed. "Of course you haven't, I - not even just a little bit? No? Ok - Yes, of course you haven't. I know that, I'm not stupid," he replied. "But just because you're all goo goo over Lily Evans- and its not that I'm against it; Lily's a lovely girl, great tits - doesn't mean you can't appreciate the finer things in life. Look." 

He half turned and pointed down, jerking one hip a little. 

"_Look_._ You won't have had the chance to appreciate it fully before - they call the school trousers tailored," (he snorted) "but now... See the way the leather hugs it?" He clenched it just to make sure. Severus debated sitting down, but he was sure f he attempted any movement now his legs would take over and he'd suddenly find himself smelling the leather on Lucius' right thigh._

"_That's _an arse. And it should be respected."

Severus was thinking – well, that was a lie, all brain functions in his head has seized up and died. The ones in his _dick _were thinking of setting up a club to worship it, with itself as the President. Package including special weekend privileges. 

Oh sod a dog – it'd be about bearable if Lucius was this sexy and beautiful, even if he _knew _it as much as he did, if only Severus didn't. 

Sometimes painfully so. 

Biting the inside of his cheek sharply to make himself snap out of it, he pulled his robe a little tighter around himself and managed to force himself to breathe evenly again. Just when he was getting _some self respect, Lucius had to remind him just how much he pathetically lusts after that blond demi god. _

"So come on, off to supper then!" Lucius clicked his fingers, waved his hands (and his robe) a little excitedly. 

Oh yeah. He _loved_ attention. 

Remus and Sirius shook their heads in amusement and set off up the slope, James blinking and catching up a few moments later, and after he'd taken a couple of steps Lucius realised Severus wasn't following yet. He turned on his heel, stopped, and suddenly his expression changed. And there it was. A carefree smile at Severus that was so beautiful it made him ache. 

"Coming?" Lucius glowed.

And Severus finally found his laughter, and joined him. Because yeah, he may sometimes be reduced to a puppy-like pansy around Lucius, and Lucius might know it and use it against him…but he would get his own back. 

"Hold my robe, would you Sev?" 

"Fuck off Lucy."

He always did.


End file.
